People in glasshouses...

Grow plants. Thousands of them. This is not merely a thing in the house in which I am residing but a national obsession.
Last year I did a tour of my house, this year doing a tour of the houseplants may be more relevant. When I arrived there were 3 in my room, I killed one the other was rescued and well the ivy plant seems to be a tough old bird. But just give me time...

I once read a blog by a guy who records his arguments with his german girlfriend, there in were several posts on just this topic. However I was reminded of one particular post (finding a potplant in the shower) after counting not 1, not 2, but 6 plants in the downstairs bathroom alone. There's at least 20 in the downstairs conservatory and more in the upstairs bit and I haven't bothered counting the rest, but they're endemic! And yes I meant endemic! It's the same in school! I can't walk up/down the stairs from the staff room without being assaulted by a tree!!!

I was asked if we had plants in our house in England. I laughed and replied "are you kidding me, I'm a plant murderer! The last thing I had was chives and they died because I watered them too much!!" I went on to say I think my mum has some but upon further reflection I realised they all died ages ago.

I'm pretty sure I live in a conservatory.
I have nothing against houseplants per se, but they are rather a thing that attracts wildlife, and that I can live without! Though here they still have red squirrels and there's one that lives in the garden he's rather a cute fellow I think he likes to watch us eat. Talking of eating...

Stuttgart is a magical place. A land if promise, flowing with milk and honey, or more accurately tea, bacon, Cornish pasties, proper sausages, Jammy Dodgers, Marmite, lemon curd, mince pies, Cadburys, birds custard, stuffing and all the things that this country lacks, however they can make kebabs or as they refer to them "kebaps" the "Yufka" in particular is a must. At home I wouldn't touch a doner kebab with a 100ft barge pole but here, well I know what I'm having for lunch tomorrow.

Now having made myself ridiculously hungry but hopefully having splurged my brain enough on the various cultural differences I have to remark upon right now I shall go dream about teaching Germans how to queue for the bus properly the mad surge for the door offends my sensibilities!!!

Nanight!
Bethxx

So far part II!

Its been raining so hard recently I could swear I was in Lancaster, but the fact being that I can only hear German it stands to reason I have simply brought the weather with me.

Anyway we left off with my failing to get up. My failing to get up on my first day of school. After completing my ablutions and having flung clothes on in the fastest time ever I arrived at school to be instantly the subject of great attention and kidnapped by Herr Steinmayer, because I was just what he needed to terrify his students. Like another great language tutor I know he enjoys torturing his students, but not with Morrissey.

Anyway after 2 lessons it was time to go on the teachers trip. Which started with a picnic lunch. And the most alcohol ever seen before 5pm. In response to my very British confusion as to the consumption of so much booze at lunch time one of the teachers told me "In England you have problems with binge drinking students, here in Germany its the other way round." I think he was kidding. I hope he was. 

Anyway after lunch we marched off through the mountains, and I spoke/heard more german than ever before in my life. By 7PM my head had imploded and I was only capable of vaguely English sounding gibberish, which left a large number of teachers as confused as I was, 2 hours later I dragged my carcass off to bed with very little idea of where I was, who I was, what I was doing here, upon which planet I was residing and   if in  fact this was actually one of my weirder dreams. All on absolutely no alcohol since lunchtime. ("What you have nothing to drink, let me fix that!", I honestly thought they wanted me to crawl up this mountainside!)

I woke up the next morning personality crisis resolved to the extent I spoke to everyone in English because it was far to early for German. Also to the weirdo who left the shower on Arctic Blitzkreig, I will never forgive you. I do not wish to be pummelled by hailstones at 7AM. NO ONE DOES. 

Anyway, this is where I stayed:

Yes People, I SLEPT IN CASTLE. 

I'm so cool. No. No I'm not I'm a giant nerd but never mind.

I then dragged myself up and down sheer mountain faces again, because apparently this is what German teachers do for fun. How a friend of mine runs up and down these things for fun is beyond me. 

Completely and utterly so.

The day didn't finish there though. No by the end of the day that felt like years ago. one bout of crying in O2, a Doner, which by the way in Germany are not only edible but also amazing, further crying because Oh my gosh way too much German, I really need my mummy now, I was off to a house warming party, at which I tried to spend the entirety hiding in the corner avoiding the, "Oh dear your glass is empty we can't be having that", that seems to be endemic, also it meant that I didn't have to think or speak German. My plan failed. But it would seem that I have a great competence than I thought and ended up speaking quite alot, though admittedly some of it did descend in to denglisch. Though that was usually because the Germans wanted to show off, most often when I couldn't remember a word.

The next day I moved in to the place where I'm staying for the rest of the year.

I'm living with a family who are absolutely lovely and are taking great care of me. Even if settling in and adjusting are taking some time. 

Seriously, even though I'm in an awesome situation homesickness is still an issue. Seriously, I want English food and I want it now. I want a mummy and a daddy hug and I'd rather like to be in Lancaster. But I'm not and it can be sucky to be reminded of that simply by sitting in the staffroom listening to German, of which you have no comprehension, especially as a large number of people round here speak Schwabisch by default, which sounds about as much like Hochdeutsch as does a particularly drunk Geordie to Standard English. Seriously I could murder bangers, beans and mash about now. 

Monday, Tuesday: School. Yr 6/7's are wayyy chattier than those in the years above, who are really just too cool for talking to the English girl. Though the second the essays come out they're all competing for no. 1 Fan. xD

Wednesday for those who are too young to remember/don't study German, was a german bank holiday as they celebrated being a whole country again. Having a bank holiday in the middle of the week turns out be awesome. Why? Because they then think, "Screw it! Lets have a 5 day weekend!" This is a concept behind which, I can FULLY get. So I relaxed Wednesday  went to my first basketball game - finally!had a bit of a poke about Stuttgart Thursday before running away to Heidelberg for a few days.

 Above: Bball obvs. Right: Moi et Markus hiding from the rain in Stuggart!

So yes, I ran off to Heidelberg. It started with Chloe Caswell and The Cauldron of Coffee.

Seriously, that mug was at least as big as her face!! The first day we mainly did shopping eating and getting me some form of bedding. We also ran into the lovely Marlen. Its weird seeing her in her native surroundings and me being the one out of context. Anne however was away for the weekend. :( Sad faces. ahh well 

there's time yet!!

The second day we did all the touristy things, by a great blessing we ran into the amazing local lady who basically sorted our day for us, by explaining to us that with the €3 mountain train ticket we could get in to all the awesome places in Heidelberg! This brought out a spontaneous burst of positivity from Chloe, who by comparison is really struggling - but then so would I in her situation. Shes all alone, in terrible accommodation, (she doesn't even have her own kitchen), miles from the city and uni and generally rather fed up, though thankfully uni starts next week so hopefully she'll begin to settle and with little bit of Birgit Smith get her accommodation sorted out! 

So we visited the Castle where we encountered the worlds largest beer barrel. Which we decided would probably keep Cartmel bar in stock for the next 40 years...

Shot of the castle from the town.

We also found ourselves in the German pharmacy museum which is in castle where we found these:

The Yellow box is  "Monday Morning Blues Remedy". We thought they were rather fantastic.

We did various things but mainly we just had an awesome time, eating what can only really be described as our bodyweights in chocolate (Blame the lack of kitchen!), before I headed back on Sunday.

Since then I have been teaching, napping extensively, opening bank accounts (despite forgetting my passport! Mark accused me of flirting my way around it... its a distinct possibility.) and reading Joseph Conrad because that's what the Oberstufe are studying. The English is hard enough for most natives! "Nowither", I kid you not! I'd never seen that word before and some of the structures and words are so archaic as to be museum pieces!! Though it has the distinct advantage over a book we had to read last year in that it adheres to laws of sentence structure and punctuation!

Anyway as I have to prepare myself for another long day tomorrow, I believe Mark has arranged a German/English pub date... 

And yet again I've forgotten about the washing I put on 4 hours ago...

So I'll leave you to sort my life out!

Bethxx

I'm still alive!

So I've been here a week and half. But its been rather busy and most of all knackering!
Speaking and listening to German the vast majority of  the time is really tiring.

Things I've learnt so far:

1. German efficiency is a lie.
2. Trains are numbered - DO NOT TRUST THE TIME!
3. They are constantly drinking water or coffee, also hard liquor, beer and Champagne are all acceptable at lunchtime.
4. Bureaucracy is everything.
5. Apparently 17/18 degrees is cold and I must wear a jacket.
6. Not wearing at least a pair of socks around the house is an offence against German common sense. (I have lost count of how many times they've asked me if I need a pair of sock/ begged me to take a pair)
7. English Sausages are vastly superior.
8. Mountain climbing is hard.
9. Mark needs Gibbs slapping more often.
10. Cheese and ham at breakfast will never be right.

I should probably start at the beginning yes?

So, trains are numbered? Who knew, ah yes all the Germans/ Germanophiles I know who never thought that y'know, that might be a hint I might need upon arrival!!!!

You know who you are!

It was in this fashion I let my train to Cologne leave without me.

When I finally arrived, in this fine Rhineland City I promptly got lost, this is because it was A. dark and B. the Germans put up street names in 1. very strange places and 2. only when they feel like it.

However I did eventually after throwing a tantrum with Google maps in the street (much to the amusement of a gaggle of drunk bystanders, it seems cold, tired, scared and anxious English women are funny) arrive at my hotel. It was gorgeous the staff were awesome the wireless free and they left cake and Toblerone in my room. However the shower was slightly broken in that the holder wouldn't stay up and I did end up causing a flood. Mark must have being using up all the common sense at the time...

After spending a morning wandering around Cologne, buying books in bookshops that look suspiciously like Waterstones, realising one cannot write in English and speak German simultaneously and still wind up with an ability to think at the end of it, and being chatted up by a very forward German student, (this seems to be normal for Germans, they keep telling me precisely what they think - it gets awkward, well maybe just for me, they don't seem to be to bothered), it was time to meet up with all the other assistants for the Altenburg Conference. Which is completely bonkers, some one ended up in hospital because they had an epileptic fit, there was far too much/not enough alcohol (on the final night 5 people bought most of it and then wouldn't share, no one had any sympathy for their hangovers), I learnt more about the commonwealth in 3 days than in the last 21 years, and perhaps a little bit about lesson planning.

Oooooh - on the subject of the commonwealth - so we had assistants from Canada, New Zealand and Australia with us as well. The most joyous moment of which was when Hannah said the word "out". My friends, they genuinely do speak just as "How I Met Your Mother" makes out. I was rather excited but 

it would appear that Canadians are now rather bored of this reaction. Sad faces.

Any hoo after 3 mental days in which i had perhaps a grand total of 8 hours sleep it was time.
I haven't the words or the mental acuity at this point in time to describe precisely how nervous I'd been flying out and arriving in Cologne, but Thursday morning it was back and with a vengeance! I don't believe that before last week i ever shook so violently with nerves before.

It wasn't even anything I could control! I have never been so pleased to see Mark - he had forgotten how violently I rant when tired, angry and fed up of course feeding me Mocha soothed my irritability and irrationality some what after we missed the connection from Stuttgart to Tübingen.

Eventually after two trains and pulling a proper English tourists abroad stint - who can be bothered speaking German when English is so much easier - we arrived in Tübingen where Goran came to meet me, and by extension Mark, who pretty much had to leg it to what it later transpired was an argument with the university international office xD! It was at this point that I tried to get in on the wrong side of the car much to Goran's amusement, (he spends far too much time mocking me! And is far too concerned about my lack of sock wearing!) before almost wetting myself in a fit of juvenile behaviour in regards to a dubiously named village. Unfortunately I have to go through this village every time I go direct to Tübingen after school. Hopefully, eventually I'll quit sniggering. If you're wondering what the name is (and are really that bothered), go Google earth Dußlingen or Tübingen and have a look around the local area.

After spending the evening doing the hardest listening exam ever - trying to converse with excitable but shy 4 yr old twin girls who obviously only speak German about everything from Pippi Longstocking to Hello Kitty
I went to bed, and failed to get up.

But that's going to have be another blog. because I'm unbelievably knackered still and my bed is calling me.

Be not afeared, photos are coming, but not until later.

Miss you all!!
Bethxx